Found it, lost it, found it…. 

Some days are different than others.
Some days mark a before and an after.
Days that change everything

An extraordinary AHA moment
An experience or rather clarity.
A feeling, a sense
Unexplainable, but so clear.
Indescribable and mind blowing
Not really knowing what happened
But I just know
Without a doubt

Dissolving, disappearing, blending.
Ease, love, bliss
The one

The experience of ‘reality’ has changed forever,
What I used to believe is blown away.
Life as I use to know it, is no more.
An illusion, a dream.
What I believed to be reality.

I can’t function in the same way
Everything feels different.
Detached and engaged
Everything a reflection,
another expression of me.

I float,
Feel nothing but love
a different kind of love I used to know
an unconditional one

The mind deconstructing itself
it can’t grasp it,
but it wants to understand
Trying to grasp what isn’t real,
With that was isn’t real either.

Confusion kicks in.
I try, and I try harder.
I think and think some more.
It drives me crazy.
I want to figure it out
I have lost it and I am losing it.
Without knowing what I’ve lost.
Knowing that nothing can be lost,

But still.
I want ‘it’ back.
Whatever ‘it’ is.

I try, I search.
But everything has changed.
I am nothing of what I thought I was.
I as I used to know ‘I’ is not me.
The I as I thought about ‘I’ does not exist..
It isn’t real
But what is real is the question?
And who is asking that question?
The discomfort grows with the contrast.
Illusion, reality, illusion…

I hold on
To what?
The illusion?

Till I am done searching and trying,
I can’t figure it out.
And I don’t care anymore.
I am done.
I let go.
I fall backwards in the arms of trust and faith.
Total surrender.

And than
it takes ‘me’ 
To a ‘place’ I’ve never been before.
It all start to makes sense again
And no sense at all.

I can’t go back to my life as I knew it
There is nothing to go back to
In ease I sense what is real,
What IS.
And that what I thought was real, an illusion.

Life will never be the same again.
Out of control and in control by letting go of control.
Nothing to control.
Not knowing what is about to come,
But what IS.
Not caring either.

The new found freedom.

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