I’m standing on a cliff. I am scared, I don’t want to jump and I do want to jump. It’s a yes, It’s a no. The fear I feel is uncomfortable. I’ve been so many times on a cliff. Not necessarily this particular cliff, but I’ve been here before. The place I wanted to be, but now that I am here all doubts and fears come up again. Right in my face. This is the moment. It’s now or not. I know more opportunities will come, but not this one. This one will pass. I know how I will feel a second after the decision. The moment I lose contact with the ground, because I’ve jumped. That moment that I can’t do anything else but surrender. Surrender to the unknown. Trusting that I will be fine.
The fear that turns into excitement, not even a second after the decision. The free fall seems to take forever and it goes by in a blink of an eye, before I know it I hit the water. Cold, fresh and deep. A shock. I open my eyes and all I see is the clear blue water, it’s dark, but feels light. In a couple seconds I come to the surface and take a deep breath, naturally, an impulse. I look up and see where I was standing in fear a few seconds ago. Amazed by myself that I jumped off that cliff and at the same time, it isn’t that impressive to me.
Seriously, what took me so long? I smile and feel nothing but bliss and ease. That wasn’t that hard, it wasn’t that scary, it wasn’t such a big thing. I only made it out to be that way. I created it all in my mind. No big deal. I swim to the shore. I want to do it again. I walk out of the water and find a way to climb up again. Up to the same point I was standing minutes ago. I am there and look down. I laugh and jump.
The bright sun is shining in my eyes as soon as I come to the surface again. I smile. I breathe. I float on my back, close my eyes and feel free, there is nothing that I want or desire. This moment. Just this. Now.
Always after the ‘decision’, to surrender to the moment and trust, is when I remember how easy it is to let go… and trust the unknown, the path, the journey. Till the next ‘cliff’, ‘mountain’, ‘trail’, that new thing, that opportunity, that what I’ve never done or experience before. The moment I know already, that I will ‘do’ it, even though my mind comes up with bizarre and hilarious doom scenarios.
Knowing deep down that I am able to jump off every cliff, no matter how high it is. Knowing that there is no mountain high enough to climb. Knowing that it isn’t about jumping in the water of reaching the mountain top, but about the trill, the excitement, the journey, the fun. About the experience of feeling alive, walking into the unknown, expending my comfort zone with no end, because there will be always new things to explore and experience.
Feeling free. Fearless. Limitless.
That feeling makes me want to ‘jump off a cliff’ everyday. That feeling makes me fly. Living fully. Taking chances, courageous and brave, trusting my higher self, my path.
And still, still that feeling right before I am about to jump again….. The moment I seem to forget all about it! …..I do want to jump and I don’t. But I will.